Yesterday I finished reading a book called “When she was Gone” by Lisa
Jewell. It is a psychological thriller. The book is about a mother named
Laurel whose pursuit to find her missing daughter leads to redemption
and reconciliation. She moves apart from her husband and existing
daughter. She lives in resentment and guilt for not doing enough for her
family post her daughter's disappearance. She fears the worst that her
daughter might not come back. She seeks divorce and over time gains
courage to explore new love and beginnings.
I will not go in
detail about the contents of the book but what caught me was a
background of protagonist and her new lover. The dynamics of the
relationship can be seen where she craves for an emotional connection to
displace her maternal pangs. The lover has a daughter who reminds
Laurel of her lost daughter. And that complicates the expectation from
the relationship. The lover who goes by the name called Floyd also has a
history of failed relationship. He was not accepted by his parents and
they always told if he behaved improper they would drop him to foster
care.
His previous wife too ran away dropping his child at his
doorstep. She too had a deprived childhood where there was no place for
communication and expression of feelings. Studies and piano lessons
mattered. The rest of the book delves into the psyche of this character
who lands up doing unimaginable things without resentment.
Thus,
it comes to show how the childhood upbringing and attitudes of the
parents shape the personality of the individual. Much of their life
decisions go by the messages they have received from their parents in
the early years That comes to the question of what is deep-rooted child
neglect?
According to Psychology Today “Child neglect is defined
as any confirmed or suspected egregious act or omission by a parent or
other caregiver that deprives a child of basic age-appropriate needs and
thereby results, or has reasonable potential to result, in physical or
psychological harm. Younger children are neglected most, and more girls
suffer from neglect than boys.
Child neglect encompasses
abandonment; lack of appropriate supervision; failure to attend to
necessary emotional or psychological needs; and failure to provide
necessary education medical care, nourishment, shelter, and/or clothing”
These broken selves grow into individuals who land up into a
string of abusive relationships and find refuge in substance abuse and
addiction. They come from homes where any form of domestic violence is
prevalent.
As,one of the domestic violence survivor puts it “ It is like I am nothing in that house. If I breathe or whisper I will pay for it in black and blue”Can you imagine that form of existence where you fear for yourself for any behavior which can land you in trouble.
Why
do parents turn apathetic and physically harm the children? There is a
possibility that they came from neglected and abused homes.
Circumstances that place families under extraordinary stress such as
poverty, divorce sickness, or disability, sometimes lead to the neglect
or mistreatment of children. And parents who abuse alcohol or other
drugs are more likely to abuse or neglect their children.
Behavior signs of child neglect:
Often,
it’s a teacher or a concerned neighbor who may recognize warning signs
that a child is neglected. An underweight child who only rarely attends
school or a young child who plays outside at all hours of the day
without an adult in sight may raise red flags.
There are a number of signs that could indicate the possibility that a child is being neglected, including:
Frequent absences from school
Lacks sufficient clothing or is inappropriately dressed for the weather
Steals or begs for food or money
Is consistently dirty or has severe body odor
Abuses alcohol or drugs
Lacks needed medical or dental care, glasses, or immunizations
States that no one is home to provide care
Signs that a parent or caregiver may not be caring for a child adequately include:
Irrational or bizarre behavior
Seems apathetic or depressed
Appears to be indifferent toward a child
Abuses drugs or alcohol
In case, you
come across any child or parent displaying the behaviors mentioned
above it is advised to get a mental health professional/ physician to
assess the child and call the Child Line (Phone number :1098) which
helps link children in situations of abuse/neglect with rehabilitation
service
To more about behavior challenges faced by children who are emotionally overwhelmed you can reach out to The Talking Cure.
