Children uses the facial expressions and actions to communicate their feelings. They might not be able to articulate through speech. They are defiant because they assume they will be punished or there will be these zillion restrictions that follow. It becomes equally puzzling for the parents to understand their reactions. The more extreme the reactions, the more perplexed the parent is to confront the child.
Now let us see the visible cues that your child is upset and what do they mean?
- Slamming the doors: It is an indication that he/she feels that they are not being heard.
- Cursing : Feel that they are not good enough.
- Shutting down: Indicating that the child is overwhelmed and defiant. Life is too much to handle.
- Hitting a sibling: Sibling is conceived as a threat. The relationship is not secure. He is craving attention.
- Challenging an authority figure: I cannot trust you. It is too risky. You feel abused, neglected and abandoned.
- Saying that I hate you: The child is projecting self hatred and self rejection back onto the parent. The child feels hated.
- Arguing about everything: The child argues to keep the parent connected. Fear of losing the parent. It is a negative form of attachment.
- Laziness: Laziness is a sign of a child who has experienced helplessness early in the childhood. It is a learned behavior. The child is saying that my efforts do not produce results. I won’t even try.
- Pushing every boundary(pushing our buttons): Inefficiency on the parent part to handle the child. The child challenges the parent to stay in the relationship and to never give up.
